This is absolutely beautiful. The only thing that kept throwing me off, was the punctuation. Its grammatically correct for the most part, but it doesn't need to be there and it just clutters things up. Other than that, great work, good wording, the message is clear without being boring. 'grats

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When there is Nothing left to burn, You have to Set Yourself on Fire.

i really love it..altho there are some lines i wuld change the words around on..but it's wonderful...great job!

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"Anyone who says sunshine is pure happiness has never danced in the rain. "

wow this is really good! the flow is really great. wonderful job. keep up the poetry

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do not drink the bubble solution

I've got so much empathy for you right now bro, I know the exact feeling. You look at someone and you just feel them. You don't know why, they probably aren't even the prettiest person ever, you just feel their energy, you wan't to dig into their sould and make your home.

Great Stuff.

Very nice! The ellipsis slow it down a little, but , itsa personal choice. Purdy.

I really feel the curiosity of this... makes me wonder what the person looks like that you can be THAT interested. You get the feelings accross well enough. Nice job.

Nice sentence structure and arrangement, I really like how you ask questions then kind of answer them. This is really beautiful, and whoever this was dedicated to should be proud of it. Great job

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Refrain from calculating your juvenile poultry before the incubation process has been executed... man I need a new signature.

Go to =DailyDeviants NOW! We demand your attention

Alright:

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
How can there not be, when a single glance
a single smile from you, makes me take flight?

The first thing I'm going to say is something that is made clear throughout. The language that you're using? The structure of it, in particular? It's not your own voice, which can be ok, but not until you're very comfortable in your own voice. Immediately I'll suggest that you try some straightforward freeverse. Take all of these concepts and emotions and express them in very plain language, split into three stanzas. Specifically in this section? The opening question is cool, "such a thing as" could be cut, but it can work. "how can there not be" is kind of giving up the premise of the poem in the second line. It's just dismissing the question out of hand. If you're opening this stanza with a question, you can make better use of it by considering it seriously. What was your opinion growing up? What is the opinion of others? Why do you doubt, what is starting to convince you? You can become a prophet for the cause of love at first sight at the start of the next stanza.

OR - get rid of the question. Starting poetry with a question is an age-old device and has been used to great effect, but this looks more like imitation of the mood of that old poetry, which you achieve well, but it's all surface. You've actually got a good piece here, but it will be better served by your own voice and a straightforward approach. Don't ask the question, just tell us that you are a believer.

"makes me take flight" again, this is flowery language, describe something concrete. If you want it to be about flight? Describe flight, and not birdflight, describe flight in the way you can connect to it. Describe falling, or propulsion, or the distance travelled. You used to live in Japan, right? What was that flight like? Anticipation? Waiting, nervousness? Peace? etc. etc. Connect the physical and emotional response to this person to something immediate in your life. Something you can describe.

OK! Next few lines

Oh tell me you angel, how can this be?
How can such a divine creature
Be in the same room as me?

The fact that you carried angel through to the next line with divinity is good. A throughline is an awesome trait to start picking up. However, expand it. Make that concept into a paragraph. If you want to wax poetic about beauty, women and God? Make it more than two lines, or, at least, make it a statement, rather than a vague question as to your own worth. If it is a question of your own worth, explore that idea.

What is your name, more importantly I like this line a lot, as you've suddenly dropped out of these vague, barely tangible question and hit, with great clarity, an important problem - you don't know her name. Have you ever guessed as to what here name could be? Do you have a way of figuring it out? Have you named her in your head?

what is this game, if this is a game? and then back to the vague questions. And back to the same answers from me - If it's a question - answer it. A poem shouldn't be comprised only of questions. There should be some impact for the reader of your attempt to resolve these questions.

Tell me what sorts of
mystical powers have you used on me
that cause me to act so sheepishly? rhyme is a bit forced, which is another reason I would encourage you to get out of rhyming poetry. Freeverse will give you the chance to use the word appropriate to the line. Also - another question. Notice a pattern?

I must know:

What joy does the touch of your skin bring?
What miracle lies hidden within your soul?
What is it about you that makes me sing within?
Perhaps these things about you I'll never know

3 more questions with no exploration. Then an admission of defeat. This does not make for good drama, my friend! Gusto Gusto! Go for it more.

Ok - write a poem with more statements than questions. Or at least answer every question you ask. OR at least attempt an answer to every question you ask. Explore more. Get specific and esoteric. Get your reader so involved with your associations that they understand them from the way you describe them.

This is what I see
This is what it feels like physically
This is what it reminds me of, physically
This is the memory it brings up
This is the thing I need to know
This is why I need to know it
This is what I think the answer is
This is why I doubt myself

etc. etc.
Make some real, committed statements, speak in your own voice, your own language and with whatever word your heart desires.

That said - let me reiterate that you have very good instinct to bring ideas through multiple lines. Now bring them further. You're very passionate about your subject, which is good. The fervor in this poem is not at all flat, but you shouldn't fear the loss of that passion or romantic mood. It will remain, I promise, but it's something that you'll have to work for once you're writing in your own voice. Achieving a romantic mood isn't too hard, bringing your audience in on a once in a lifetime moment? That's worth every bit of work.